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  • Christmas joke thread

    Went out with a lovely snow women last night had the best night ever till I woke up this morning and found out she had p****d the bed.

  • #2
    Poor
    TheCorsa's friendly predator

    I like my women like I like my laptop. Thin, virus free and on my lap


    Comment


    • #3
      Yes
      Vauxhall Vectra 1.9 CDTi SRi - New Car
      Black 1.2 Corsa SXI Project - Sold
      Aruba Blue 1.0 Corsa Project - Sold

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      • #4
        Originally posted by jt999 View Post
        Poor
        Originally posted by Shaggy View Post
        Yes
        Lmao

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        • #5
          Why is Christmas just like your job?
          You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.



          Last year, I asked Santa for the sexiest person ever for Christmas.

          I woke up in a box.

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          • #6
            Hate Christmas, I work hard all year to buy all the gifts for the family but come christmas morning that fat cvnt with the beard gets all the credit...

            Suppose it's my own fault for marrying her

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            • #7
              So the dust bin man was going around all the houses collecting his Christmas pressies.

              He called to this attractive housewive's house and there she was, all done up in frilly under-garments and seductive spices.



              She invited the bemused bin man into her living room and, without further ado, made mad passionate lurve to him right there on the living room floor.

              When they were finished, and he was getting ready to go, she handed him a five euro note.

              The bin man became quite emotional.

              "I have to tell you", he said, "this is the best Christmas present I've ever been given."

              "You can thank my husband for that," said the lady. "When he was going to work this morning, I asked him should I give the bin man a tenner for Christmas and he said...

              ... No, f**k him, give him five."

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              • #8
                English man, Irish man and Scottish man go to heaven but before they are allowed in they need to go back and bring something to do with Christmas before they can enter

                English man returns with a Christmas tree
                Scottish man returns with a mince pie
                Irish man returns with a thong, when asked how they was Christmas related he said 'these are carols'

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                • #9
                  Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
                  Because they were two deer.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb?



                    Eight!




                    One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!

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                    • #11
                      What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?






                      A rebel without a Claus.





                      ---


                      Why is Santa so jolly?






                      Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.


                      ---


                      What does One Direction and my Christmas tree have in common?




                      They both have ornamental balls.
                      Vauxhall Vectra 1.9 CDTi SRi - New Car
                      Black 1.2 Corsa SXI Project - Sold
                      Aruba Blue 1.0 Corsa Project - Sold

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                      • #12
                        What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May?


                        A puddle!



                        What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?


                        Frostbite.

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                        • #13
                          Christmas joke thread

                          I expect there to be a flood of Christmas cracker jokes at around 4pm tomorrow lol. Best joke gets a month free VXR membership!
                          |> Spec2 R33 Skyline GTS-T <|

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                          • #14
                            Best bad joke?
                            TheCorsa's friendly predator

                            I like my women like I like my laptop. Thin, virus free and on my lap


                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Dave View Post
                              I expect there to be a flood of Christmas cracker jokes at around 4pm tomorrow lol. Best joke gets a month free VXR membership!
                              Best get my self to the pound shop there the best around

                              Originally posted by jt999 View Post
                              Best bad joke?
                              Best good and bad jokes me thinks

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